I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize