Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wanna go halves on a baby?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
