we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
