I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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