It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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