took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
