I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
