He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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