I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
