Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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