I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
