Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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