the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
