Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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