trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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