i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
