this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
