bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
