He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
