just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
