Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
