You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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