You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
