hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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