Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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