420 ftw
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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