I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
