I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
