All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
