im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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