I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
