i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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