Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
