You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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