Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
