I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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