Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
