I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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