Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
