Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
