he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
