in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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