we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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