I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
