u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
please come you make the beer taste better
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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