Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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