Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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