My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
