Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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