So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
