And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
