I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
