this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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