Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
