I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
