I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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