u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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