Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
