I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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