you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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