Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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