fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize