dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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