No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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