it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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