Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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