I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
