i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
