he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
