apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
